Essay Number 6

Shooting and Buying:

Surprises about a Parent

An Essay by Gaelen Frink

Eighth Grade English

Pine Point School

October 25, 2010

            (TS)Do you think that your parents are boring, but your parents have sides to them that you will never know about? (CM1) This is like in To Kill a Mockingbird when Jem and Scout see their dad shooting Tim Johnson because they find a side of their dad that is not "old". (CM2) This is also like my dad, when I found out he had enough money to buy a boat that costs $1450.00 in today's money I was totally astonished. (CS) These are the surprises about my dad and Atticus.
            (CM) Jem and Scout have always thought that their dad was old and does nothing fun but reads, but Jem and Scout see that they are very wrong. (SD) When Jem and Scout see Atticus going to take his shot at Tim Johnson, he "moved like an underwater swimmer". (CM1) To me this seems like time slowed down for Scout, as she saw her dad doing something that she never thought he would do. (CM2) When Atticus was going to take his shot at Tim Johnson, he moved in one smooth motion and fired. (CM3) For Jem, he was so shocked he was "paralyzed", and this is probably from being so astounded from his dad's actions. (SD)What Jem and Scout have learned from this experience, they will never forget. (CM1)When Atticus leaves, Miss Maudie tells Jem and Scout about how Atticus was "the deadest shot in Maycomb County". (CM2)When Miss Maudie is telling the kids about their dad, Jem is so awestruck that he can barely speak. (CS) When a dad of two kids find out that he is not who they think he is, his kids are very surprised.

          (TS) When my dad was 12, he was able to buy a boat that cost him $200; this surprised me because I never knew my dad had that much money when he was a kid. (SD) My dad was able to buy a boat when was 12 that costs $1450.00 in today’s money, that is a big accomplishment for a 12 year old. (CM1)I found out about my dads accomplishment because my dad still has the boat he bought 36 years ago. (CM2) I also know about my dad’s accomplishment because he always tells me about when he was younger he had a job at my age. (SD) Some things that I have learned from this story are these reasons. (CM1)First kids these days have things given to them more and they do not have to work to get them, but before kids had to work for things that they wanted. (CM2) The second thing I learned was to take care of the things that I have because the boat my dad still has his boat after 36 years. (CS) My dad is someone who I admire a lot for his hard work.

             (TS)Do you think that your parents are boring, but your parents have sides to them that you will never know about? (CM1) I now know that Atticus is not as old as a man as we thought, and it came out as a big surprise for Jem and Scout. (CM2) I also found out that my dad was a very hard worker when he was younger and he still is today. (CS) These are some things about Atticus and my dad that surprised me.

Graphic Organizer for Essay Number 6

Paragraph 1 -- Opening

Hook Do you think that your parents are totally boring because you can find out things about them you never knew

Comment on the hook When I thought of Atticus I thought he was old, but now I know he has a wild side

Comment on the hook When I thought of my dad I thought I knew everything

Thesis Something that I found out about Atticus or even my dad that surprised me

Paragraph 2

Jem and Scout find out about Atticus’s shooting ability

2 Echo words to be used bewilderment         shock

SD Jem and Scout see Atticus, “He moved like an underwater swimmer” then Atticus takes his shot

CM Jem and Scout see Atticus take the dog in one smooth motion

CM Jem was so amazed he was “paralyzed”

SD What has Jem learned

CM Jem has learned that his dad still has a wild side to him because he was “Ol’ One Shot”

CM Jem now has respect for Atticus

CS Now that Atticus showed his kids what he can do they won’t think he so old now

Paragraph 3

TS (Main Idea, Topic, or Thesis)When I found out that my dad was able to buy a row boat at 11

2 Echo words to be used astonishment           astoundment

SD learned about from dad’s childhood stories

CM Paper route and bought the boat with that money

CM Paper route

SD How kids back then did not have things given to them

CM My dad had to work a lot harder as a kid to get things that he wanted

CM My dad today is a very hard working person

CS My dad is a person that I admire a lot

Paragraph 4

Hook Do you think that your parents are totally boring because you can find out 

things about them you never knew

Echo word surprise

Comment on the hook I know that Atticus is not the old man

Comment on the hook My dad was a very hard worker and harder than how I work today

Re-statement Something about my dad and Atticus that just totally surprised me

3rd Freestyle Writing

When it comes to think of something to write about I can never think of anything so I need to be given a topic. I have writer's block. When you think of the title writer's block, what does it mean? Well writer's means well that you are a writer. I think block means that no thoughts are coming to you so they are being blocked from your mind. When I looked up writers block on Wikipedia it said, "Writer's block may have many or several causes. Some are essentially creative problems...A writer may run out of inspiration. “I think that this corresponds to me. I do not have much creativity. While other people have, tons of it and the words flow onto the paper. I can write but my words have no meaning, and when I do write, I write choppy and it does not flow. Writer's block affects me a lot.

Essay Number 5

Crying:

Happiness or Sadness

By: Gaelen Frink

Pine Point School

October 12, 2010

            (TS)Crying is sometimes sadness, and it can sometimes be happiness. (CM1)The tears I like to shed are the happy ones because I am not in pain or sad. (CM2)When Jem was crying I think it was because he was sad because one of the joys in his life was finding things in the knot-hole. (CM3) Tears are a thing that people do not like to see because it makes them sad too and even though Jem tried to cover up his crying, Scout could still tell. (CS)Crying is not much fun at all.
            (TS)Crying is something we all do not like doing because it is usually done while in pain or sadness, but sometimes it is done because of pure joy. (SD)I think Jem was crying because his knothole was filled up and he was never able to give the giver of their joy a thank you. (CM1)An example of this might be, "Jem was facing me when he looked up, and I saw him go stark white.", in this quotation it seems like the knot-hole means a lot to Jem, and like he has unfinished business here. (CM2)If Jem had been able to give the giver the note then maybe Jem would not have been crying. (SD)However, Jem might have been crying because of the thought of not getting anything else from the knothole. (CM1)For example, "From then on, we considered everything we found in the knothole our property.”, this means to me that they are look forward to finding things in their special spot. (CM2)However, now that it is filled with cement they cannot look forward to this and will not have a sense of excitement in their lives. (CS)Jem could be crying for some other reason, but this is what I think about Jem and him bursting into tears.
           (TS)Many people think that crying is not for men or boys because they are supposed to be strong enough not to cry, but many men cry and even more boys. My thoughts on crying are that it is okay to cry. (CM1)When someone cries people around him or her should not think that he is a baby or a weak person. (CM2)When someone is crying you do not always know why, and this person may be an emotional person. (SD)A memory I have of crying is of my mom. (CM1) When my mom was crying I did not know why, and I tried to comfort her, but I was only about nine at the time. (CM2) When my mom told me why she was crying I began crying too, and sometimes things are just so sad you cry. (CS)When I cry it is sometimes in pain or sadness but sometimes it is out of joy, crying and weeping are one of your body’s emotions.
            (TS)Even though crying is your body's natural way to clean your eyes, kids in To Kill a Mockingbird would rather be in a lot of agony than have someone see them cry. (CM1)When Jem was crying, he tried to cover it up with dirt because he probably thought he would be made fun of, but Scout was able to tell he had been crying. (CM2)When I cry I hope no one will be able to tell, but people always are able to. (CS)Jem's tears are a lesson to all of us that Jem still is a boy, and that he is not a man, so he has the right to cry.

1.Combining sentences to make smooth writing.
2.Good punctuation my sentences.
3.A little to repetitive with the word crying.
4.C+

Essay Number 4

Boo Radley:

An Essay about This Mysterious Person

By: Gaelen Frink

Pine Point School

   October 11, 2010    

            Boo Radley is a very mysterious person, and just begging to be bothered by kids who are very adventurous. However, being adventurous can some times get you into trouble. For the kids in To Kill a Mockingbird, there is no end to their interest in the peculiar Boo Radley. How far can their interest go and not get in trouble?
            (TS)Is Scout, her brother and Dill violating Boo Radleys privacy, or are they just being kids and having some harmless fun? (SD)When Dill came to Maycomb County for his first summer, he expressed great interest in the Radley house. (CM1)This might be because he wants to know more about these mysterious people. (CM2) On the other hand, could it be that he just wants to bother Boo because he is an annoying or aggravating person? (SD)Scout and her brother want to find out more about Boo even though, "His father entered the room. As Mr. Radley passed by, Boo drove the scissors into his parent’s leg, pulled them out, wiped them on his pants, and resumed his activities." (CM1)They might interested in this person but, be too scared to even see him because whenever they pass by the house they run. (CM2)This character may be the creepiest one in the whole book, and probably the scariest. (CS)I wonder what will happen to the kids if Boo sees them snooping around his house, he might even do to them what he did to his father.
            When the kids in To Kill a Mockingbird try to find out about Boo, they treat him like a science project. The kids might be having some harmless fun, but there is a fine line of going too far. I think Boo is about to get very tired of these kids and break. This is a very peculiar character, and everybody needs his or her space.

1.Rereading my essays to find the mistakes.
2.Good Beginning and Concluding paragraph.
3.Not very good Participles
4.C+