True Love Built up or Fallen Into:
An Essay about Building up True Love
An Essay by Gaelen Frink
Eighth Grade English
Pine Point School
April 20, 2011
When you think about love you always think of how it happens in the movies, but love like that doesn’t last, but when you build up love this love lasts and this is called true love. When I am older I believe I will have to build up my true love because when I see a captivating girl I do not immediately love her because I have not built any love with her. Also, a couple that I know that truly loves each other is my parents and there are many reasons why. Love is a tricky subject, but when used with care love can be wonderful, but this love must be built up because if it isn’t love won’t last.
Love has to be built up until it reaches the point of true love for you cannot fall into true love. When you talk about true love many people do not have a Romeo and Juliet case of falling into love, people forge this love. Sometimes people have known each other for a long time and already know many things about each other. Since you already know many properties about this person, this takes care of the unpleasant moments in your relationship. Real love will probably happen to me by, building this love up, constructing trust inside of my love and reaching the high point of true love. Even when you see someone who is captivating you do not love them because you do not know their personality. You need to build up your friendship with them and learn about this person before you can say you love them. Love can’t be made or fallen into; love must be built up, and then once love is constructed this love can only be called true love.
A truly loving couple that I know is my parents and even though they seem to have fallen into love they are still a truly loving couple. A reason that I think that my parents are a truly loving couple is because they are still together and not divorced even though 50% of couples get divorced these days (Mr. Salsich). I also think that even though they have bickered before these fights actually can make a truly loving relationship stronger than it was before. I also think a testament of their true love is that they have been together for 19 years. If they have been together that long they are obviously still in love because they wouldn’t still be together if they didn’t love each other. My parents are an example of falling into love this proves that love can be formed many different ways and this is one way. Even though they fell into this loving relationship, lasting years, withstanding the many fights accumulated over the years they are still together not separated and staying contented together. My parents love each other deeply and will continue to love each other until the end of their lives because they are in a truly loving relationship. Romeo and Juliet fall into love when they see each other for the first time and this is much different than the real world because we have to build our love. Love must be built until it reaches the highest point of love and only at this point can this love be called true love. My parents truly love each other because they are in true love, and I hope they continue this love for many more years. Love in its many different forms can be love but not true love because building love only creates true love.
Self Assessment
1. An issue in my writing that I am still working on is my transition words from sentence to sentence because some of my chunks jump from one another without a word in between.
2. A strong point that I see in this piece of writing would probably be my concluding sentence on my first body paragraph because I think that this sentence really sums up the paragraph.
3. A weak point I see in this piece of writing would probably be my redundancy in my intro second body paragraph and my conclusion.
4. I would give my self a C+ - B- for this essay.
Dear Gaelan,
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent start to your essay. A truly well formed paragraph. I especially liked finding your small chunks of gold, or F.A.S.T words, scattered throughout your essay, but i also thouroughly enjoyed how well you stayed on topic throughout the entire paragraph. My only suggestion is to split your last sentence in half, but i think it would sound fine with a semicolon as well. Nice job
Dear Gaelen,
ReplyDeleteGreat start on essay 13! I truly enjoyed reading your paragraph, especially your concluding sentence, for it does a wonderful job of wrapping up your sentence in a “weed less” way. However, in your sentence, “Since you already know many properties about this person this takes care of the unpleasant moments in your relationship.” you may want to put a comma after person, for when you read the sentence you can hear a natural pause. In addition, when you mention captivating in, “Even when you see someone who is captivating you do not love them because you do not know their personality.” it is unlikely for many readers, like myself, to understand what captivating means. For instance, you could be saying when you see someone who is crying, but at the same time it could be when you see somebody who is laughing. Don’t get discouraged though because with a little bit of polishing here and there, your essay is one of your best so far!
Dear Gaelen,
ReplyDeleteAn inpressive paragraph! Your idea is clear, your words flow, and your FAST words really describe what you are talking about. I enjoyed it! Nevertheless, you can make better flowing sentences by using commas. Well, so far so good!